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User Friendly - Marcus 2229

Welcome to my new Three-Peat Thursdays! Building from my recent book UNBEATABLE! Seven Pillars of Personal Excellence, each blog will contain three P’s: Pillar, Principle and Practical, all geared towards nourishing you on your personal and spiritual growth journey.


“The external has dwarfed the internal, and we are seeing an increasing tendency to use people and love things, rather than love people and use things.” Unbeatable! Seven Pillars of Personal Excellence


I love the observation made by spiritual writer Reggie Mc Neal in his book Practicing Greatness, where he noted that when people strike up a conversation, an early question is, “So what do you do?” Similarly, I’ve noticed that when friends have not seen each other in a while they usually ask, “So what are you doing now?” This line of questioning, typically, is an enquiry into their job or profession. Mc Neal, usefully, acknowledges that the questioner’s response to you is directly connected to the type of work you do. Isn’t that so true? We are assessed and evaluated by what we do, rather than who we are.

This is sad, in my view. It has led us to prioritize the external trappings of success to the neglect of our inner character. It doesn’t matter if you’re rude, arrogant, pushy or discourteous, once you get your item from the sales’ clerk behind the desk. It’s immaterial whether you cheated, lied or took shortcuts, once you get that “A” in school or promotion on the job. You pay no attention to whether you drive on the shoulder or break the red light, once you reach your destination on time. We exalt the outcome and disregard the integrity of the process. The external has dwarfed the internal.

This reality makes me appreciate the ode to the Proverbs 31 woman where we are reminded that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting.”  This goes for men and women. Our outward appearance has some benefit, but it’s limited. Professional or academic accomplishments must be honoured, but they too are fleeting. Who you are has greater value than what you do. It is our character that makes us “user-friendly.”


Every time you’re getting dressed to go out or are simply grooming yourself, take a moment to reflect on the condition of your private world. That is what truly makes you handsome or beautiful.

To learn more about these pillars of personal excellence, read UNBEATABLE! which is now available on Amazon in print and as an e-book.

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Michelle Marcus

    Thank you Tyrone. I feel like I always have to use my position to justify who I am as a person to be able to engage the person. This happens especially when I attach high importance to the person who I am speaking with in the moment.

  2. J. Tyrone Marcus

    That’s a challenge most of us face Michelle. I am learning not to place my identity in what I do, but to root myself in divine love, grace and acceptance. I have quite a way to go but am enjoying the journey.

  3. Nanieno

    This is very true especially in our society today. What is also concerning I think is that fact that people are not aware of what they do. It has become the norm which in turn shapes how we treat each other. Thanks for sharing my brother… very helpful reminder.

  4. J. Tyrone Marcus

    I appreciate your perspectives Nino. You’re so right in saying that our lack of awareness has affected our relationships. Hopefully, one by one, we can change that narrative as we ourselves pursue growth. Thank you.

  5. Liesann

    I never thought that by asking an individual what are you doing now? Or being asked the question in reverse had so much depth. I am now going to have re-assess my thinking and appreciation, value and love for people rather than things.

  6. J. Tyrone Marcus

    Thanks for your comments Liesann. It really was an eye-opener for me too when I reflected on what can be going beneath the surface of an innocent question.

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